i suppose by now many have gathered GEM is the end of the chapter... not the series.. yet the chapter.

the reason for all the sadness... the reason the wind can blow through me as though i were a feather... the question remains... the feather of the wing of an angel... or the feather of a migrating bird..

today we spoke for the first time for hours since the sky fell... yet we still spoke with anger, bitterness and hatred. yet longing. and naturally i'm speaking for myself here. Gem actually said he was scared to see me in a few weeks face to face (oh yes... he is currently abroad... we chatted today via internet)

he said he was scared.

isn't it funny... i lived two years in fear and anxiety... now have no strength to give and only salt to engrave my legacy in.

when he spoke today, i was at many times at a loss for word or thought. after all, i loved him to much during the thunder storms... i was there for two years... yet, i had to convince him.

tonight the dragons whispered...

as i heard a song... it said perfectly all i wanted to say today.

perfectly

i'm still amazed when i hear the words...

this is what i want to say, to my thunderstorm past... hede the eye...

 listen to the song if u like, by clicking here

"Holyground"

Take your pride
and lift it high
I've come to say goodbye

You've got your live
And I've got mine
Sometimes hard to draw that line

I like to walk
And my way is my own
You taught me how
Don't you know

And there must be
some place to meet
I take off my shoes
I'll walk bare-foot when I do

Standing there in front of you
I want to honest
I want to be true

I like to walk
And my way is my own
You taught me how
Don't you know what we found

Brother maybe

We're on holy ground
Take your pride
and lift it high

I must leave without you
Good advice I grow stronger
Where the mountains rise

Standing there in front of you
I want to honest
I want to be true

In front of you

 

A-ha Analogue 2006 

 

sadly i should have finished the scenes of this journey prior to where i am now in my life.

as i am currently living the end - the final chapter.

i'm leaving you this small dragon whisper, should any of you get confused... as every now and then an entry will make it into these pages... and even though it might seem as though it doesn't fit... it actually fits perfectly... because a fallen leaf that fell to the ground today... in my present tense... has evoked that entry.

i suppose that would make it perfectly out of order, to a certain degree...

yet fit the carriage that carries me on this journey as the slipper fitted Cinderella.

such as the next entry...

shh... a dragon whisper... 

i felt i could write again. therefore i did. to GEM

 

NIRVANA

 

It’s different, its unique, it’s a state of mind,

It’s 96 hours of supreme thought of another kind

It’s an impression that graces my eyes forever

And it’s a yearning that feeds my hunger.

 

My body induces the shift and feels lighter,

My mind swallows the thought to become the fighter.

My heart welcomes and recognises the fatalistic

And it’s a yearning that feeds my soul.

 

Your movement becomes like the blood,

Your smile and touch fills me like a flood.

Your mind engulfs and seduces the weak.

And you continue to capture my desire.

 

I will not bow my head, I will not cry for yesterday,

in a dark World, I can now see the shades of grey.

And within your eyes, I can see a celestial being

I see Nirvana, within you and only you.

 

Nirvana: Perfect bliss attained by the extinction of individuality.

when GEM returned, we were to move in together into my place.

have you noticed?

like with the others in my past... like clock work...

immediately moving in together... and starting a business...

not even a slight veriation on my past

or the future

but exactly the same two actions...

actions of love? or actions of flaw? 

 

the month that followed was hectic.

GEM left to go visit his parents in Sicily and i remained behind to start the ball rolling... much had to be finalised... after all, it was not just a new life that had to be set up... but also a business.

we were very fortunate and everything seemed to fall into place... we secured the franchise we wanted, the shareholders, the funds and basically our whole wishlist.

i once again had a fallen angel in my arms... and the business i had always wanted...

life was sweet

it was also during this first month that shane and i had a small incident... well, at the time, i viewed it as small.. but rather, i should have seen it as a warning sign.

i was at an after party and as usual drugs flowed freely... i was chatting to our host and when he heard i was with GEM he laughed and told me he had a fling with GEM when he had just arrived in the country. i honestly never thought much of it, other than cool... and when GEM sms'd me later that day to ask the usual, i told him where i was and the cool conversation i had with the party's host. anyway... he called me immediately from Italy and went mad over the phone that i even had dared to discuss him in his abense. he screamed and went on until i hung up the phone.

later that day he apologised and all was sweet again.

funny though... i always commanded respect... yet of this incident... i thought nothing of it, besides to dismiss it.

my mistake...